Friday, May 15, 2009

As Good As It Gets..

Last night was the first night out for my husband and I in nearly two years. I should have started working out a lot earlier then just the week before. I love those women magazines that you buy off the rack when you check out, they have lots of info in them and the advice I got last week was quite good.
It had an article about skipping lunch and eating a snack before and then a snack three hours later. I figured this would work for me except when I went to a picnic with my daughter at her school, I found myself wanting to tackle her little friend for her lunch. I was eating a lunchable and she had chicken and mashed potatoes. I was willing to give her everything in my wallet just to have her lunch. The little crackers and meat was not cutting it since not eating anything but snacks for the last week.
So my reason for the quick weight loss was, my husband is in the Coast Guard and his boss is moving to another station. I had two weeks to get some of this weight off before having a farewell dinner with them. Except I didn't utilize the whole two weeks, just the last one.
Whats my problem? Well I like food and I have no will power!!
I also have no nice clothes to wear because I wont buy myself anything until I lose the weight otherwise I will just get comfortable with what I'm wearing and give up. So, I get this magazine in the mail for this women clothing, OK that's good. I'll just order something out of that and have something nice to wear for this upcoming dinner. I ordered this white shirt that looked awesome on the lady in the magazine and these cargo type nicker pants. I originally wanted the black shirt and black cargo pants but of course they were out of both those colors and I needed something to wear, so I went with the white shirt and green cargo.
Oh My Goodness, what was I thinking.
White does not work good with fat and I was also pasty white after a long winter with no sun. What happens next is classic. I love tanning because the sun makes me happy and less gloomy, so I have a star thought. I will get tan really quick and the white shirt wont make me look so big. Right? Not
Now instead of just looking fat, I look like a tan umpa lumpa in a marshmallow costume. I really wanted to go buy a different shirt but my husband insisted that he liked the shirt and I looked beautiful.. I don't know if he was trying to fool me or him..
Oh and I am going through pre-menopause so the hot flashed I had during the dinner made little beads of sweat appear on my forehead and my skin turn red. Oh that was fun..
So to start of the night we get in the car and start down the road. I decided that I didn't like my hair any more and I went to pull down the visor mirror and something hits my hand and landed on my shirt. When I looked down I saw legs moving and I started screaming...."ITS A SPIDER" Yes it was small but I swear this was a mini tarantula. My husband pulls over and uses a piece of paper to flick it off my shirt, I then got out and started jumping up and down on the side of the road to hopefully shake it off if it were still on me.
Okay Spider is now dead and we are headed to dinner. When we get there I see its a seafood house, which I don't eat seafood and I don't even like the smell.. Yeah me,,
Every one is dressed to the nine in their designer clothing and matching purses, jewelry and so on.
I bought my pants at walmart!!!
It was one of those dinners where you get asked lots of questions you really don't want to answer and then you sound like an idiot when you do answer,. I would have much rather been home watching BONES and eating Pizza with my girls.
We were waiting on my husbands boss to get there when this guy introduces himself to me and then says we have met before. I said, okay I guess so and then turn to my husband and ask when his boss is going to arrive so we can eat and get home. He replies with, "that was my boss"
OH MY, I can not believe I just did that. I told this guy he was one of many coasties I had met and obviously us meeting was of no importance to me because I don't even remember who he was. I was so embarrassed and had to apologize for not knowing who he was. Seriously I had only met him once and it was over a year ago.. How was I suppose to remember? I cant even remember which of my kids are born in what year and I am suppose to remember this guy..AHHH
So that's not the only time I put my foot in my mouth. I was then talking to the XPO whom I have never met and I decided to tell him that the coast guard guys here are a bunch of weenies because they are on alert when the winds reach 30 miles per hour. On the West coast it blows like that constantly and then when my husband told me that was the XPO, I really wanted to go home..
Then we sat at the same table as my husbands boss, his wife and another couple. That was fun..
His wife would ask me a question, I would answer and then she would stare at me while shaking her head as if I was suppose to say more. I hate that... My mother in law does that to me and I just want to run away. Why do people look at me like my answer wasn't good enough, or it was not the right answer or are they looking deep into my soul to see whats in there?
Any who, while trying to get thin and tan for this dinner I decided to kill two birds with one stone and I tanned naked in my back yard, in hopes to scare off my neighbors. If it were me looking into someones backyard and saw some fat naked lady tanning on her back porch... Id move!!!


  1. Did you at least get some when you got home? :)

  2. Just wanted to stop by and let you know that I am passing on a blog award to your fabulous blog. You can pick it up at

  3. Thank you so much,, I really dont know what to say except I never expected that and I am deaply touched. Thank you again